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Her unfilled worth

Posted: February 18, 2017 in Uncategorized

What is a girls worth? What is a girls beauty? Who determines her beauty? Which body type is most beautiful? Is it her brains, her eyes, her hair, her ears, her bosom, her breast, her make up, her …

Source: Her unfilled worth

Her unfilled worth

Posted: February 18, 2017 in Uncategorized

What is a girls worth? What is a girls beauty? Who determines her beauty? Which body type is most beautiful? Is it her brains, her eyes, her hair, her ears, her bosom, her breast, her make up, her legs, her hands, her tummy, her curves or lack of?

She never was told that she was beautiful at home. Never encouraged or cheered on. Her ever effort was met with jeer and laughter, negative sarcasm and it made her believe that she would never amount to anything but be like the other village girls. For the longest time she let it be and accepted that fate had its way. It took her tooth and nail to fight and prove the rest otherwise. She did not even know that she had strength such as that. But she fought hard and strong and she made a few things work not knowing that there would ever work or ever achieve it. She had strength that she never thought that she had. She realized that she never needed anyone to approve of her but herself and true she discovered an inner strength and capability unknown to her.

But somewhere along the way what she had worked so hard for was lost. She is trying to find her way back but it seems to have been blocked, covered with fallen trees of hope, bushes of despair, floods of tears and sorrow, fires of burnt dreams, heartache. But she knows she has the strength somewhere deep within. She doesn’t know where to begin and even how to begin but she has it. She fears the end being a fruitless fight but has to still fight. She is sure of where her beauty and strength are, where her willpower disappeared to but she has to once again ignite the fire.

The journey may be harder but it has to begin and has to be travelled. The heartache and pain of fighting will be dealt with later and if shall be.

Life is too short. She needs to live it as hers.

His Hustle

Posted: October 1, 2015 in Uncategorized

Hustle 1

At a glance you may have thought he was high on some cheap alcohol. Yes! His pants were wet, his coat as dirty as it could get but he was busy earning his daily bread, he was less concerned about how others perceived him.

He was sitting next to me in the matatu on my way to Nairobi. I was sitting on the seat closest to the door while two men sat on the other two seats. One was looking young while the other looked a little elderly. As I boarded the matatu I didn’t notice that there was some liquid on the floor but when the young man sitting between me and the elderly guy, I noticed the liquid and the big sack that he was holding. I took a better look as at the elderly man, he was looking weary, afraid and completely absent minded. He wasn’t as old as I had first perceived him. The sack that he was holding looked dry and he held it closely lest either I or any other passenger that may have been sitting next to him complained that he or she was being pushed or pressed by the huge heavy looking sack.  When I moved a seat closer I wasn’t sitting as comfortable since he was occupying my seat as well. He paid the same fare as the rest of us. The fare he was charged made me remember of how in a different route he would have been charged twice or even three times more for the heavy sack that he was straining to hold and sit comfortably. I didn’t pay more attention to him as our journey proceeded. When we got closer to his destination, he politely requested the taut to drop him off at the specific stage.

For him to alight, the taut (who was now sitting next to me) and I had to alight. The taut helped him remove the large sack from the vehicle. He was thankful, he removed his phone, I think it was to call for help. It was at this moment that I noticed his wet pair of trouser. It was soaked with something but for sure it wasn’t urine. My heart went out to him. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans. He didn’t look as bothered with the wetness but more with the discomfort of wet jeans on a hot morning. I could imagine and see how people would be looking at him when he passed by anywhere in wet pants and a huge sack on his back.  If his children were to see him, what would they say or think of their father. How about his wife would she be embarrassed, would she embrace him, insult him or get him another pair of pants? I tried to fit in his shoes and I would have literally collapsed of shame in a similar scenario, imagining that I have to move around in wet pants despite the fact that it isn’t pee and am sober.

This man was wearing a brave face for that situation or circumstance. He wasn’t going to turn and go back home just because of that, he was going to embrace the day and carry on with his business. He wasn’t going to let such a thing ruin his earnings.

How many times we have passed out an opportunity because of our so called “social status”, thinking about how the other people will view us. We are always in search of white collar jobs like our parents, teachers and mentors have always convinced us to do. Can we allow ourselves to carry such huge, heavy and wet sacks? Sacks that will keep licking knowing that we will still make money or would we be more at ease to look for a way out? If there is a way out why not but we should always respect other peoples effort and work. Only they know where the shoe pinches, only they know how rough or smooth the road is. Only they know why allow the wetness on the pair of trousers and not any other way even paying for an extra seating space for the sack.

May our good Lord bless the work of this man’s hands, may he always provide for he and his family. May He help us respect all hustles in this society, may we appreciate the work that others are doing because in one way or another it affects us and we affect them.

amomenttoexpress

Is it true that a wife is a glorified Mboch’ (house help)??? The first time I heard this I almost fell of my seat with laughter, how can a wife be a Mboch’ when she is THE WIFE and homemaker of the house?

It is every girls dream to get married to her Prince charming. To get married to her tall, dark, handsome and stable Mr. Right. It’s her dream to one day walk down the aisle, dressed in an expensive, long searched for white pearled gown. She looks forward to this day. The one day she keeps her Prince charming waiting at the end of the aisle and he will not complain that she took too long to get there. In the eyes of many they both say, ‘I DO’ and life is supposed to be happily ever after. Only that happily ever after is wife turning into mboch’…

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Is it true that a wife is a glorified Mboch’ (house help)??? The first time I heard this I almost fell of my seat with laughter, how can a wife be a Mboch’ when she is THE WIFE and homemaker of the house?

It is every girls dream to get married to her Prince charming. To get married to her tall, dark, handsome and stable Mr. Right. It’s her dream to one day walk down the aisle, dressed in an expensive, long searched for white pearled gown. She looks forward to this day. The one day she keeps her Prince charming waiting at the end of the aisle and he will not complain that she took too long to get there. In the eyes of many they both say, ‘I DO’ and life is supposed to be happily ever after. Only that happily ever after is wife turning into mboch’. I am guilty of this dream (apart from the large crowd part and mboching).

I have talked to various people about this institution of marriage, how to make it last a lifetime, how to keep the fire burning evening 80 years down the line, how to keep falling and growing in love with your one. It was while having one of these conversations that an elderly lady friend and in a group of other ladies that she said a wife is a glorified Mboch’. This lady has been married for very many years she had to be right or at least well aware of what she was talking about. This got me thinking of various things as a woman who wants to start her family sometime in the near future; what really is the role of the wife at home day in day out? What is the role of the husband on a daily basis? How do we work together as a team and not one having to bear more than they can handle in this generation where we are both running and working towards fulfilling our dreams at home, in the society and career wise? I do not mean the proverbs 31 wife or the husband of the missing Proverbs…

A husband and wife will wake up at almost the same time every day but most probably the wife will have to wake up earlier because she talks longer to prepare and she has to prepare breakfast for the 2 and maybe pack lunch. They come home from a long day of work and first thing husband will ask is, ‘what are we having for dinner?’ He removes his shoes maybe change his clothes or take a shower. Settle down by switching on the television and laptop then ask for his cup of tea, coffee, juice or beer. Stretch out his legs and get on with his relaxation session. What will wife be doing? Well! Work never stops for her, from dusk till dawn when she lays her drained body to rest. When she is lucky she will get an undisturbed rest; baby or hubby may require her attention in the middle of the night. She works like a machine that never needs service, like a human being that never needs replenishing, like a donkey that never gets tired. She works and works her ass off.

We are prepared for marriage but in a way that only fuels our fantasies but barely the reality, I have gone through pre-marital counseling and trust me I feel half baked for this role. And most women would agree with me. We arrive from the romantic honeymoon and reality slaps us in the face. The slap is so hard that it can almost land you into a comma. You work tirelessly while hubby will not raise a finger to help (there are very few lucky ones who always get his assistance even without asking) and when you ask for assistance you are told you are nagging.

The house help does everything from morning to evening; making breakfast , parking lunches for you and the kids, cleaning your car, cleaning the utensils, washing your clothes and ironing them, folding those that need folding and putting them away, cooking, taking the children to the stage in the morning if they aren’t dropped off by the parents on their way to work, watching alittle television during the day, in the evening she will wait for the school bus that takes too long to arrive so that the children have someone to walk home with, she ensures there is tea and a snack for the children, washing the children when they get home from school, ensuring that they do their homework. And when you get home all you do is keep sending her and complaining of what she hasn’t done right….

I seriously thought we were a team or rather that was my expectation. That on the days I feel like the kitchen is too far hubby will make me seat cozy and help me on this one day (which comes every blue moon) without feeling like am misusing him. That when the children come I will not be spending sleepless nights and looking like a zombie all alone. I thought we would take turns to assist hence being functional in all our endeavors. So is wife only a glorified Mboch’? What really is her role and that of husband?

Striving to be

Posted: March 5, 2015 in Uncategorized

Above all else strength comes from above.

Cursed is the man who puts his trust in man.

In my mother’s womb you put me, you formed me.

You let me grow to maturity without major complications.

You caused my parents path to cross.

Despite their difference, difficulties, experiences,

you made them one. In their oneness I came to be.

You let me be birthed to them, let all that I have experienced to be.

My personality is a gift from you;

the environment has nurtured it more.

Whether good or bad, it is a gift to me from up above.

With your plans for prosperity and a future that you have for me,

why do I still fear?

Why do I still look to man for approval?

Why do I dream big but fear at the steps that I should make towards them?

How is it possible to have so much faith and fear at the same time?

Why can’t I just move and keep moving towards the blurry light that I see at the end of the tunnel?

All knowledge and wisdom comes from you.

I am blessed with both and with more to come.

Help me move forward and into the world.

Hold my hand and walk with me.

For there is no man with special abilities to carry out their purpose.

But it is all by you.

My past doesn’t determine my future but I have the choice of letting it.

Each day, hour, minute, second shall be lived moving forward.

Learning from mistakes made along the way and letting self be human.

I am not perfect but strive to be.

My nursery school teacher was a devil.

Don’t get me wrong. Who is a devil?  According to the bible its one who comes to kill, steal and destroy while in short this is what she did me or us. I know my story not of my kindergarten mates. You see the thing about children is that, they see things as either black or white there isn’t a middle/ gray area for them. So when it comes to parenting practise what you preach (don’t say one thing and do another) to avoid confusing children. Always explain why something is bad or wrong not leaving it at because mom or dad says so.

Am not very sure how many of you can remember your first years in school i.e. between age 3-10yrs. Unlike most people in my generation I started school at the age of two. I must have been the most excited child on the first day of school. I didn’t know what to expect, all I knew was that people leave home in the morning and only come back later during the day. My elder sisters were in school and I think mom figured I was getting bored during the day and school was a good way of keeping me occupied. The most I can remember is that I barely got bored, I was 2yrs old and all that I ever thought of was; play, play, play, shower, sleep, disturb when it was eating time and play some more. Oh! and make trouble when opportunity arose or I just went looking for it. It must have been during one of these days that I fell inside a tank full of water and ended up having a couple of stitches. After this incident I was guarded like a tomb but still got into trouble and plenty of stitches but you can’t see them now, unless you look very closely.

Anyway my teacher being a devil, she stole, killed and destroyed my terrible twos and made it horrible. I enjoyed going to school and especially the great company of one of my young uncles. We walked to and from school with him. There was no way in hell he would go to school without me and I think we also walked back home together in the company of more friends.

I hated eating with all my soul and heart. I got serious beating for this even from my grandfather. My teacher didn’t make it any better. Eating time was always a disaster for me. Anyway, I still struggle sometimes but not as much as before. I never looked forward to eating unless it was junk food like fries and cake… Because of this I think my teacher had to sit with me till I finished my food.  We all used to carry packed lunch and at lunch break the teacher would ask us to remove our food and spoons, we pray and start eating (Oh! thats’ after she had warmed the food). I remember always been left in class after all the other students had finished their food. So my teacher would come and seat with me reminding me to bite, chew and swallow. That must have been some work for her. And her patience was very wanting for someone working with children. I don’t understand why I was always packed for so much food ( am sure of 2 things; it was either always a lot or my appetite was that bad). She went on and on reminding me to bite, chew, swallow. I was getting too full and began feeling nauseated and oh no! I really needed to let it all out. The teacher just put the plate in front of me and asked me to go ahead. This looked like freedom from eating for the day, so I thought. Only to finish unleashing all that was in the system and she tells me to continue eating. And in my head am thinking, ‘wait a minute woman! I just vomited in that food and you are asking me to eat it?’ I remember after this first experience school avoidance kicked in. I had stomach aches every other day, headaches and anything else that could keep me out of school. (P.S. Parents when your child is always getting sick in the morning especially on school days and not any other day, you need to check if there is something unpleasant happening in school. They may be getting bullied or they may feel that the teachers are too harsh, homework not done or the particular school environment isn’t suitable for them or they are being mistreated in school. Please just check you will be grateful that you did).

This went on for awhile and I kept telling my mom. Am not certain what my mom’s response was every time I told but the following year I was in a different school. I sat for my Kenya Primary Certificate Examination in that school. I was so excited that I was going to a new school that when mom brought home my new complete school uniform, shoes and a bag, I slept in my new school uniform, shoes and the bag on my back just incase things were to change in the morning and I was asked to go to the horrible school.

That was just how my 2yr old brain thought then…

Today I heard someone say that 95% of married men and women have a mpango wa kando. I wonder how true this is and if it has been proven.

“a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh…”

“…in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, to love and to hold till death do us part… let what God has put together no man pull asunder…”

A vow that every girl looks forward to exchanging with her prince charming in the presence of family, friends and of course Exs. To the man, a woman places her life, trust, future and dreams. We believe that our future will be brighter and that, together we shall be one. The man, he promises to take care of her, to love and respect her, to cherish, provide, protect, lead and forever make her his queen. We swear and have sworn to spend the rest our life together. Together in love and respect. We celebrate, rejoice and the couple is to live happily ever after with mountains so high, valleys so low, hills so steep, plateaus so plain within this awesome institution of marriage. At least that is what is expected or suppose to happen though no one really mentions that last bit of mountains, hills, plateaus and valleys. But we still live and let live.

95%! What! Is this institution so harsh, unbearable or has it changed with time or is it that we are no longer taking it seriously and giving it the respect it deserves. A married woman will proudly say that she has a side dude and she is happy with him because he is “saving her marriage”. While the guy will say that he is a guy and has to have a side chick. Someone who makes him feel young and alive. The side chick will say that the guy loves her and she ain’t ready to settle down and she is comfortable with the agreement but really! I listen to them go on and on about this. And I wonder to myself; how? why? and when?

Marriage is a holy institution between a man and a woman. After sometime comes children or not (and it doesn’t have to be in this order). It is between the two adults and not plus one on the side. A third party makes it a crowd.

AIDS, STIs, pregnancy, emotional and society damage! doesnt anyone go through this or care about it? I will side with Maina and say,”if you ain’t happy in your marriage then up and leave”. You may say that you are staying for the children but you are doing more damage than you know. Children are very wise and keen, trust me they can see and know what is going on. When they are all grownup, respect will be thrown out of the widow or worse they will do worse than you are doing. You shall truly eat the fruits of your labor.

Any person who is married is married out of choice. Before you say anything, yes there are those who are focused into the union and can’t get out but you still have a choice; be happy in it or die trying.

Have some respect if not for yourself for your marriage and your children. Side chick / dude don’t you get lonely at night, get tired of always been last on his list, spending christmas alone or any other holiday, that he is somebody elses man/ woman! And he is never going to leave her for you.

You both promised to work together (whether it was in church or not) and be one even in moments when its impossible to be. Some respect and dignity guys. Side chick brings in some flavor!!!

the killer sugar rush

Posted: January 27, 2015 in Uncategorized

I was in church on Sunday, the praise and worship was amazing and the sermon was out of this world. I enjoyed every moment of being there. Unlike the 1st service, mid-day service is full of families (old and young) which makes the place more beautiful. Children are all dressed-up, the little beautiful girls are in pink flowery dresses, and the handsome little boys blue trousers and shorts. they quietly play close to the parents and with the friendly strangers.

So this Sunday I happened to be sitting close to a young couple of between 25- 35 yrs old. They had a young boy( such a bundle of joy). As the service continued the boy was quiet but with the usual moving from one parent to the other trying to be comfortable and also looking for something more interesting than just sitting listen to the adults leading the service. The mother breastfed him for a few minutes. This made him settle down for about 20 minutes. After a few minutes later he wanted something more than just sitting so the mom put him down. As he continued to catch my eye and steal my attention something seemed to interest him when he looked into his mothers bag. Before too long the mother removed a bottle of juice and gave it to him. The little boy was so pleased. At that point I wanted to shout a big no to the Mum but hey! it was in church and you can imagine how that conversation between the lady and I would have gone down. A few minutes later the boy was all over and father (so I assumed) had to take him out. I continued to listen to the amazing sermon but it got me thinking a little harder about the things that we feed our children…

Juices, sodas, crisps, biscuits, queen cakes, ice cream and lollipops.  These are the common snacks that we see Moms pack for their children. Snacks to school, church or any gathering. We all love sweet things, the nice taste on the tongue. And the more we have sweet things the more we want them and it is worse with children.

Ever attended a wedding or a party or a birthday or any kind of gathering with children? Noticed that before lunch or eating children are mostly relaxed and when they play it’s usually not too rough. But immediately after the children eat have a bottle of soda, you are on the edge of the seat because he/ she is playing so close to the cake or about to break something. So what happens with children when they are high on sugar?

Complex Carbohydrates found in vegetables, grains and fruits are good (actually very good) but the simple sugars found in sodas, candies, icings and packaged treats can do harm especially when eaten in excess which is what happens with our children today and during these events.

So what are some effects of these sweets things?

Eating or drinking 100 grams which is equal 8 tablespoons of sugar equal to 2 cans of soda. This can reduce the ability of white blood cells to kill germs by 40 %. This results to a child’s immunity reducing by a large percent which is also known as depressed immunity hence the colds, cough and other unending illnesses.

Decreased learning performance and more hyperactivity is the second effect of the sugar. when a child is fed with the sweet treats they can barely settle down and concentrate on anything apart from play and distraction. ( teachers must have a hard time after a tea break in school cause settling down is drama). In this kind of state a child can’t learn or perform well.

Obesity is the third effect. Obesity is increased body weight caused by excessive accumulation of fat. This is bad on our children. Most children have a low appetite for food but a very high one for sweet treats. When we consume plenty of unnecessary sugar its turned into fat which results to obesity overtime. There has been an increased number of chubby children in school and most times other children will call them names ( that aren’t very kind) and sometimes they may not want to play with the chubby children. This will result to more psychological problems for the child now and in future.

These are just some of the negative effects.

There are healthy sugars that we can feed our children. Pack fruits (dried or fresh), yoghurt, milk, sweet potatoes, yam, milk, and so on as their daytime snacks. Play with them more, teach them on the importance of eating sweet potatoes in place of queen cakes. And practise what you preach and you will see the difference it will make in your childs life.

I have heard parents say that their child can’t live without the sweet treats but really!!! who was born knowing that soda is sweet or bad or what is healthy for the body and which child is earning to afford to buy these treats? “Train up your child on the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it…”