The Old Man

Posted: January 17, 2014 in Uncategorized

I had started this story yesterday but lost it since I hadn’t saved it. I can’t remember how it all started but it was about an old man who was living a sad life. A life that has resulted to repeated to cruelty and shame.

Yesterday evening on my way home I saw a man. A man of an elderly age. Old enough to be my grandfather. Too old to be my brother or spouse. He was too out of line to be a mentor, a warrior of life but not too old to be a friend. He walked rather staggered from one end of the bus terminus to the other. He tried to board a matatu but was prevented from doing so. With every attempt to get his way, he fell and struggled a little more with the young men that were in control of the bus terminus.

He seemed lost and at a loss. After struggling for a while, the young men proved to be stronger, he staggered away. He walked away with a face of sadness and desperation. Sad that the young men had disrespected him. He seemed not sure of his next step, action, sad that no one had come to his rescue, that at such an old age he could not demand respect, he could not speak and the younger generation listen. Sad that he had lost his strength, that the body once so strong had become so weak. He had lost his dignity, his respect in the eyes of the young adults, that his peers looked down at him, apart from those that he got wasted away with.

Maybe the loss was due to the insults that he has been receiving from the family and community. Maybe it is as a result of not achieving his dreams, for not having any dreams, for not being a man of substances, for not having a stable life, for the many times he may have tried to stop but failed, for wanting to quit consuming alcohol that was so sweet to his tongue but never managing to or not having the courage to face life, for still having to work so hard, earn so little and lose it all in  day, for the noise that his spouse will make and continuously makes, for always being such a disappointment to himself, his family and his parents, children and creator or maybe its for the unfulfilled dreams that he dreamt as a young man.

I am almost sure that this was not his plan, like all of us he wanted to have a successful, financially stable and happy life. He once had a dream of owning a big house with many rooms and well furnished. It was his dream to take his children to the best schools and give them the best education that he could give. He may have dreamt of having a big farm with many employees, where many people in the village would fight and beg for employment in the farm. He had a dream of the village singing his praise. He dreamt of having a huge construction where many would come to buy or desire to live in, his children would ensure that his wealth was well taken care of if he was to die. He may have dreamt of building a huge house for his wife and children, he may have thought that of marrying another wife or two as he is African, driving the latest pick-ups in the market but now he is laying on the ground and struggling to stand. Trying to gather all his strength and some soberness so that he can get on the matatu that will at least get him to his destination. He is struggling with the taut who probably knows him very well for various reasons; either always disturbing by not paying fare, making too much noise for other travelers or making the vehicle impossible to travel in due to his stench or worse him vomiting in the matatu.

He was not allowed to board any matatu for as long as I/ we watched and waited for the vehicle we were in to get full and for us to begin our journey. He kept staggering from one end to another using all the tricks that he could, making a fool of himself and maybe of his kinsmen. It was sad to look at that scene.

We may have all taken a drink once in our life or never for some but for sure we all have dreams. Dreams that we want to achieve. Dreams that we are working so hard to achieve. One drink can be the end of the big dreams. Some people due to genetic mechanisms get hooked immediately while for others it can take a lifetime to get addicted.

Life is not a straight line, there are hills, valleys, mountains, bumps, potholes and plateaus. When we hit one of this we get discouraged, some raise immediately while for others it will take a while to get back on their feet but what is of this old man? Will he ever fulfill his dreams, will he ever regain what he has lost over the years? Will he ever be respected, his lost dignity restored? It is the twist of life, guess I will never know.

Always live your dream, be with those that will help you get there, do that which will bring you closer to those dreams. Dont lose focus.

A turn in life

Posted: January 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

She was a girl I knew, a girl that I saw every evening on my way home from school. The first time I saw her, she looked very young. Everything in me told me that she could not have been more than just a few years older than me. She gave birth at a tender age, she must have been only seventeen or eighteen years old. She did all she could or knew to sustain herself and the newborn. A young black beauty she was. The young baby wore a face of rejection, her eyes were so sad, the black beauty desired to be loved and held. I had no clue of how to deal with this or how to help her.
The young new mother sold alcohol and her body to willing buyers. These buyers were in plenty then. She knew that she was very pretty and had her way with men. She may have desired to be more than what she was but her educational qualifications, background did not give her the opportunity to go beyond the village, to explore her talents, to continue her education, she had to do all that she could to sustain herself and her child. She had no one to turn to, no shoulder to lean on, not a soul to reassure her in life. All she had was her black beauty baby and herself.
When she went to “work” she left black beauty alone in the house, no one to attend to her cry, change her wet diapers, or feed her. The neighbors would complain but they would barely do anything more to assist the young mother. They did what they could and when they could. They let their children play with black beauty, feed her as they fed their own children, let her stay in their house when the mother was nowhere in sight and night was falling. When her only support and parent had neglected her there were neighbors and other children to care for her, give the little company that they could.
I saw the young black beauty a few days ago, she has grown into a very beautiful young lady. She is still left by herself while the mother goes in search of some money and food. Plenty of years have gone by and the young mother that once was has grown much older. She has given birth to more children whom she is expected to take care of, pay their fees, provide food, shelter and clothing and further still be a mother and father to them. Her load has become heavier.
The once upon a time young mother not more than a year older than me has become so weary. Drugs, alcohol, and the harsh life has taken a toll on her. Life has become too harsh, things keep getting harder, expenses increasing, and her babies are more. The men responsible for her babies have escaped their responsibility no where to be seen but in company of the younger naive girls. Work is not as good as it used to be. As life has it the younger, naive and more beautiful girls who become her once faithful customers’ first priority. Her health isn’t allowing her to work for too many hours or as hard as she used to. Her children need her more, she has her dreams that are long buried and never to be lived.
In her eyes I see a lifeless being, one with plenty of regrets, one who wishes that life would have turned differently, shame for who she has become and thinking that it is too late to run after what she once wished and dreamt of being, in her eyes they is worry of what her children will become, wishing that she took life little more serious.
She has aged too fast and lost hope too soon. What will become of her and where will her children end up, what will be of them, will it be a vicious cycle?

A SELFISH PRAYER

Posted: December 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

It was Sunday morning, the plan was to attend the first mass but the last two weeks have been long and waking up at the intended time was tricky. I woke-up at about 8am, too late for the first mass while the second one was fifteen minutes away from beginning. The only choice I had been left with was to attend the third mass.

I couldn’t leave bed and as I was thinking of how late it was I realise that I don’t have so much time before the third mass begins. I rush to the shower as I think of what to wear.  As I get out of the shower I get a call. A call that always brightens up my days. I didn’t speak to him last evening and a few words shared with him will definitely brighten up my day.

The conversation lasts longer than a few minutes and when I look at the clock its a minute to nine and I should be leaving. I have to hang up rush to do the few things I need to do before leaving.

I whisper a prayer “please God let me get a matatu that will be express to Karen!”

I can hardly decide what to wear which needs to be done soon, top and pair of black pants always works, I settle for that.

I rush to the stage and I board the first matatu that stops at the stage.

” can you just do something to ensure that the mass doesn’t start before I get there?” I pray and immediately these words come out of my mind I can’t believe that I just prayed that. ‘Did I just pray for the Mass to start late?” I ask myself. If this was to happen the train of lateness that would follow and the number of cancellations and apologizes that would have to follow would be numerous from all the people who will be attending this mass. The matatu seems to be taking a lifetime to get full and there is so little (if anything) I can do.

Think of the prayers that we present to our heavenly Father at times, some of which may be harmful to others to the point of them losing their jobs or their life or even a day just so that our plans and ways can fit in and we be comfortable.

There are many times we present prayers which get a negative response/ request not being granted ( like my Sunday morning prayer) may be it is due to the number of people that may be negatively affected if the is granted or because we already had the solution and a way of ensuring that all works out well.

The next time we make a prayer may it be for all our good and the good of those around us. Our lords prayer may be a good way to go and honesty to him to guide us when we are not able to present them to Him.

Next time I will ensure that I spend my morning time wisely so that I don’t end up making another selfish prayer.

Titleless

Posted: November 7, 2012 in Uncategorized

I smiled to myself when I thought of us human beings and the choices that we make at times. I guess at times it is because we can predict the next minute but not the future. Wanting and will to take shortcuts just to meet our desire.

Well! I, at times, make choices because I shall gain the joy and satisfaction that will be yielded at the particular moment (at times not a minute longer and I don’t think of the effects). I have prayed and there seems to be nothing forthcoming. Our higher Being (God) has a reason as to why some things wont be granted as requested. It is like parents, they will not always run to give us all that we ask for despite how much we plead. The request may seem so important to your life at the particular moment but they may know better and know that it shall not kill us.

Maybe waiting a little longer means enjoying it eternity. So when it doesn’t happen don’t let it break you but enjoy each moment and Know that He is working on it, He is putting it all in place. It will not only make you happy and fulfilled for that moment but it will have a positive effect to those around us.

As we live this day know someone is working to fulfil your desires.

Have a Blessed day

Hello world!

Posted: August 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

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